just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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