so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
