I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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