Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
