Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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