yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
