I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
