Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
