Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
