I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
