The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
