this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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