Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
