Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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