dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just want to make out with him forever
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
