I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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