So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
