we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
