Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
