Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
