There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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