Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
