So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
