Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you win again, gameday.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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