oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
