can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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