yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
