We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
