you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
