This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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