so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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