I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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