I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
