I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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