OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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