Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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