youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
