you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
