man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
