Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize