Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
