My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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