oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
