but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
