sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
