awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
