God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
