she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize