I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
