Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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