i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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