Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
