i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
