She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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