Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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