is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
