Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
