I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
