singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
