I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
