Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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