I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
