Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's blow job season.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize