Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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