I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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