someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
