my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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