If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
