no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
it wasn't lemon gatorade
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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