recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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