only if we run a train.
done.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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