I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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