I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
