even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
