uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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