it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
