Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
