Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
