i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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