OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
